untamedantinous

From:

He thinks of Arthur's visit, of the agonizing feeling of being caught between choosing to stay or return. It was not made any less agonizing by his belief that the choice was not actually a choice.

(What if Arthur had been right? What if Lancelot could have changed things by choosing instead to believe his King, his best friend, the center of everything? What if Lancelot had been tested and failed and that is why Arthur was gone? He still wonders. He still wakes in the middle of the night with the sensation of a gaping wound in his chest, that bleak feeling of utter loss. And while he knows he still loves Guinever, his feelings for her are different now that he sees things differently. But his feelings for Arthur have changed as well, sharpened or at least have been made clear to him, and to have had him here for a day, to know that Arthur sought him and found him and loved him enough to let him go -- it's still too much. Of course he will say none of this to Magnus, but he doesn't mind if Magnus sees it move through him.)

He glances down and says, "Aye. I understand your meaning."